Last week, my wonderful son fainted.. again… This is not the first time, he has done that 3 times now, and every time, I think he is going to die… and it scares the shit out of me!!!!
Now 1 week later, I still feel it every morning when we wake up, and goes to the bath room, as it is in the bathroom he has fainted the last 2 times. The doctors cannot find anything, so that is both great, and not, as it would be easier if they could just tell us, why this is happening.
I am not writing this to make you feel sorry for us, I am writing this for another reason, you will understand it in a minute.
This morning when i woke up my son, he was smiling and happy, and then 5 minutes later, he was crying and scared…. I hugged him and held him, and asked him if he knew why he all of a sudden was so sad… he replied that he did not know. Then I asked him, if he was affraid, and he looked at me with his big brown teary eyes, and he said very quite: mom… I am so affraid that I am going to faint again…. My heart is crying, for him, because he is so strong, and yet so… not strong… I am SO affraid every morning, and has been for the past week, but I cannot show his this, because if I show him this, it would make him even more scared, I think. I told him it is all right to be affraid, and to be sad, but what is most important: we all haves some shit coming into our lives, in one shape or the other, and if I could take it all away, and make him the most perfect life in the world, I would do that in an instant, but I cannot do that, what I CAN do, is to make sure to give him the best life I am capable of, and that includes teaching him to NOT let things like this control his life.
I talked to him about terrorism, and all the things going on in the world, and then I asked him, if he was ever affraid of going out of the door, or if he was affraid of going on vacation, and he smiled and said: no mom, I am not. So I said: you COULD be, but you choose NOT to be, because you have decided that THESE things are not things you will let control your life. I told him, that I also got very very VERY affraid last week when he fainted, but I will NOT let that control my life (I can tell you, that it is HELL, sitting with your lifeless child in your arms…. ) but still we need to continue living, because if we just sit down, and let what life throws at us, control our life, then we would have no life.
I told him, that he had to live the best he could, whit this experience, and that he should not let fear take over, because HE is in control of what fill his mind, and that this should not be the thing! After a little talk, we continued our morning things, and he was smiling again. And my heart was a little more relieved ….
We can choose to be the strong one, even when we most of all want to crawl into a warm spot and hide, we can choose to show our children that we CAN be strong, even when we are affraid, we can choose to live, even though life sometimes throw bad things at us, we can choose to show our children, and the world, that no matter what, we will NOT let circumstances control what we have inside. It is our job, to live this life, the very best we can, always ❤
Love and hugs from me to you, may you have a blessed day ❤